Is He Straight or Gay?

Is He Straight or Gay?

Dear Leidra,

I have been dating this guy for four months and something is off with him. We kiss and make out and I think maybe we are moving towards having sex pretty soon. But I get the feeling that he is gay.

When we first met, Jeff told me a story about how some guy kind of hit on him when he went on a vacation several years ago. He said he was by himself walking near a pathway near the beach and a guy kept looking at him while walking behind some bushes nearby. The man obviously wanted Jeff to follow him. He saw the man having sex with another man. I thought that was a rather strange expereince for a straight guy.

A month later, he told when at college, he got hit on all of the time by men. And finally, we watched a movie where a very good looking actor was baring his naked butt. Jeff told me how good the actor's butt looked!

I am confused. He looks manly and doesn't act gay. I am sick and tired of Jeff talking about men this way. Do you think he is gay?

I Want To Know in California

Dear Want To Know,

Have you ever heard the saying that if it sounds like a duck, acts like a duck, then it is duck?

I think deep down inside, you know that he is gay or at the very least, bisexual. Women sometimes ignore their instincts, especially when they feel they lack experience in a situation.

It is very interesting that you don't call the man that you have been dating for four months, "boyfriend." Is it because that you don't feel he is being real with you? I would think dating a man more than two months would make him a boyfriend.

I also think it is interesting that you have not had sex with Jeff. I am inclined to believe that he doesn't want to because he desires men instead.

And honestly, what else do you need to hear to convince you that he is gay? A straight guy follows a man behind a bush and watches him with another man? That means Jeff had to be standing there for awhile. Hmm...I wonder if he was really talking about himself participating?

Jeff could be in denial and had these encounters with men on an inconsistent basis, and he thinks that dating you can set things right. Some gay friends told me that due to the pressure of being gay that they dated and sometimes even married women. But they couldn't suppress the truth for long, and eventually ended those fake relationships and started living openly gay.

If Jeff is bisexual, he could be testing you by telling you these stories to see how you react. Maybe he hopes you would accept bisexuality. You never did tell me what you said when he told you these things. I am inclined to believe that you said nothing, and he may believe that you are fine with what he is telling you. Being upfront with you about the situation would be the way to go, if he is gay or bisexual.

You should tell him what you really feel and not play games with you. Stop seeing Jeff since you reservations about the relationship. That is not healthy for you and Jeff emotionally. Once he accepts who he really is (whether that is bisexual or gay), then he can chose an appropriate mate that is okay with that decision.